World Thinks Vegans are Crazy, and Nobody Knows Why

By Stuart Swanson

Article XIV

January 9, 2018


After several years of recycled memes and repetitive internet comments — backed by decades of a convenient endless supply of animal products — the majority of the World now considers vegans as the Earth’s craziest group.

When asked why, every person responded in the same way: “Actually I have no idea. I never really thought about it. I just heard vegans were weird and I wanted to remain in the overwhelming majority.”

Maybe it would help if we explain what it means to be vegan.

Being vegan means you don’t consume animals or animal products, which sounds crazy if you watch TV or have been alive for any amount of time.

And it is — it’s crazy.

Being vegan is crazy because you buy fresh produce, you read ingredients and pay attention to what you’re eating, you eat delicious food, you feel better physically and in my case you only get sick once every 5 years. You eat more natural food that comes straight from the ground or from plants or trees. You discover higher quality packaged foods and skip the lower quality ones that many people assume you buy. Eventually, you save money after you learn that you don’t need to recreate food just because you grew up with it, and instead you try all kinds of healthy and flavorful recipes made of fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, seeds, spices, and more.

And that’s just… crazy.

Also, even though you drive a car and aren’t very friendly, you do feel slightly better about reducing your personal carbon footprint by not supporting the unsustainable animal-based food system that is currently hurting the planet with excess methane gas and huge underreported ponds of bloody poo.

Finally, you feel GREAT because no animals had to be created and then bothered to death in order to satisfy your outdated appetite.

But to the average person, a plant-based lifestyle might seem impossible.

“If you don’t eat animal products, what do you eat?”

A great question, but there are too many answers. It’s easier to simply eliminate the very few things vegans do NOT eat.

Vegans basically just don’t eat the 7-8 animal products currently found in almost every TV commercial and menu item (chickens, eggs, fish, crustaceans, pigs, cows, cow milk, cheese and other scattered animals but basically just those same things re-arranged over and over.)

(You know, animal products — the ones you have to add seasoning to, and also be real careful to cook properly and store properly so that they don’t make you sick.)

(You know, animal products — some of which millions of people are allergic to, like cow’s milk. That’s weird, right?)

Vegans basically just don’t eat or drink those things.

But they do eat almost everything else, which is more than a thousand things.

Most vegans also mind their own business and are nice to people who are mean as soon as they find out there’s a vegan in the room.

Meanwhile, they also wait patiently for years as their friends and family members continue to pay a middleman to breed, torture and kill (BTK!) animals just so they can keep enjoying the same few menu items over and over again without questioning what’s in it or trying anything new.

Still, ultimately it’s vegans who are considered crazy for some reason.