Trusting Face No Longer Good Enough, Says Marketing Team

By Stuart Swanson

Article VII

July 5th, Current Year

Back in the 1960’s you could sell cigarettes to the entirety of America just by taking a picture of some random hitchhiker off the side of any road in America, and it was a great photo because everything was beautiful and there were no problems.  You’d then sell your photo in New York City and became a millionaire within 24 hours.

Back then, you could even just DRAW a picture.  Everybody bought it the next day in the magazine, and you took the money to the bank and retired at age 35.  

Not no mo.

Today in 2017, everyone has things figured out.

“People are onto us,” said a slick down-to-Earth marketing rep. “America’s general population is jaded.  You can’t just post a picture of a gentle-looking 40 year old boy and expect people to buy your stuff.  To sell anything anymore, you need a gimmick and a jingle by Drake.”

“Oh no, that’s expensive.  What about a jingle by not Drake?”  Someone asked.

Everyone at the table booed, and that person got fired immediately.

“You need Drake.  Ok?  The jingle needs to be done by Drake,” said a supercool marketing rep who always hides somewhere, never seen by other team members.

“You need the jingle, it needs to be FUNNY, it needs to be SERIOUS, and it needs to be socially acceptable by every person,” he or she said from the shadows.

“It needs to be funny, it needs to be serious, and it needs to be socially acceptable by every person,” 

he or she said from the shadows.

The End.